The Blackwell Ghost (2017) – User Review

My summation of this film is that you washed out in “California” which I am sure means somewhere OTHER than Hollywood, you moved back to Kentucky because you “missed winter”. SURE! You mention your journalism teacher said that a good journalist can make even the most boring topic entertaining. EPIC FAIL, Mr. CaliTucky! Ghosts and paranormal activity IS ENTERTAINING and you somehow bored me half to sleep!

So many things are wrong with this film I actually had to write them down to keep track of them. First of all, your viewers have to listen to you go on whining and moaning about your sad, embarrassing life and your balding head and how you have nothing. Cry me a freaking river, dude! Get a therapist already.It was just sad watching your poor wife struggling through this. Good Wifey Points to that chick!

You went so wrong so fast it was like watching a train-wreck. I couldn’t NOT see how poorly this turned out. So, let me begin.

• The Toilet Paper Ball on a table gag was so weak I couldn’t stop laughing! The ONE door that you don’t have a camera pointed at happens to “open on it’s own” but you quickly add that you don’t even remember if it was opened or closed before bed. That is just poor observation for a documentary about paranormal activity. The whole POINT is to notice when things are moved or changed. Better yet, to RECORD it! Your trooper of a wife looked at you like, “It is too damn early for this crap, Loser!”
• There is an obscene about of stopping and cutting of footage that is supposed to be proving that something is happening. Every time you cut a “scene” you diminish the authenticity. As a “filmmaker” you should have had a time clock running at ALL times. I am no filmmaker and I even I know that.
• If you think this door opened mysteriously WHY did you NOT train a camera on that thing the entire remainder of your stay? You are either the most dim-witted human being alive or you are HORRIFICALLY bad at this. Considering my original hypothesis I am putting my money on the latter, but I DIGRESS!
• The stove burners have set off the smoke alarms but there is ZERO footage of the time leading up to the incident in the kitchen. My explanation, you put some bread in the oven on broil and turned the burners on high so they glowed orange, you went upstairs, laid in bed and turned the camera on when the smoke detectors went off. Why was the clock blurred out on the stove? Wouldn’t the extra timestamp be a great asset for authentication? Think about it. You must have tested the detectors before to make sure your smoking gag would work because you told your wife to turn it off with her phone. OOPS, Calitucky. OOPS! WHY would your wife have her phone paired with smoke detectors in a house that you have only been in for two days? Hmmmm… It is so SO BAD! You should have gotten more help with this “documentary”.
• Water faucets being on in the bathroom and kitchen….just so weak that is all I have to say about that.
• You have had the OWNER tell you that the rumor is someone put bodies down the well and found this microfilm article on the Blackwell woman but you choose NOT to train a camera to record in the basement so you have ZERO FOOTAGE of the biggest potential source of the so-called paranormal activity? Oh, but there is good old T.P.Ball sitting on the well cover and a knife sticking out of the crack in the lid! There MUST be GHOSTS!  ::FACEPALMS:: It is hysterical!

WHY not show the owners footage of the T.P.Ball and knife in their basement and film their reactions? That would have been interesting to see! I am sure they would just have laughed and said it was ridiculous. THEY actually believe in paranormal activity and I imagine they would think this was all very feeble.

Listen, Calitucky! I completely understand what a mid-life crisis looks like and it happens but I think the best way to deal with life is by facing the truth. You are not a good filmmaker. My 12 year old son has produced better quality work with an old smart phone that I thought was broken. For a man of your age watching you running around acting like a giant scaredie twat is fear inducing. It is pitiful and embarrassing. I do hope you worked through the skeleton of your film career that this may not be your thing. I am not a mean person by nature. You could take one look at my social media and public reviews on YELP and GOOGLE (I am quite an avid reviewer) to see that I am quite a positive and honest person. I tell it like it is. I am who I am and this film was so insulting to my intelligence and a colossal waste of time that you inspired me to write this review. My only question is how much did you have to pay to get this on Amazon?

I do like to end my reviews on a positive note no matter what so the ONE really cool thing about this whole hot mess of a movie is that you can fly a prop plane!!! Good Onya, Mate! Now, THAT is an accomplishment!

Sincerely,

D.S.